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You will be missed // TK
The only thing I could think was: You're not good enough. You're not smart enough. You're not enough.
And because the truth is I was. In fact, I was so normal, most people never would have guessed, they probably would have been surprised to find out how I would hate the way the sunlight came in my window every morning when I would wake up. And I know that some of you know that feeling too
I remember I was wandering the empty streets of my hometown. I was alone this time, unlike that other time. And it's because I wanted to die alone.
My mind was running, screaming, shaking, collapsing in on itself again. When you're in that place and your perception is collapsing like that, those old thoughts kept coming back again: Your not good enough, you're not smart enough, you're not enough.
Should I hang on there for just one more day? For what? To be that crazy kid? I've already hung on for this long and things haven't gotten any better. Why would I keep trying what hasn't been working.
My running shoes were old, worn out, tired.
Can suicide really be a choice if it's the only choice available?
Because I just didn't want it to... I didn't want it to hurt anymore.
90% of people who die by suicide have a diagnosable and treatable mental illness at the time of their death. Almost a quarter of 15 to 20 years old... 15 to 25 year olds, sorry, who die at all die by suicide.
And for those of you who might be contemplating suicide, I know that there's a hope somewhere deep inside you.
I felt it too.
Keep that hope alive.
released October 18, 2016
Mark Hennick: Spoken Word